Who is that masked man?

Many of you, my readers, have asked me to describe myself. I can not do this since it would come across as egotistical. Fortunately there are (many) others of you who have written books on me. From this collection I offer to you, my favorite reader, the Compendia De Cary:

• He performed the rain dance backwards… and the sun came out.
• Even when he’s sleeping people say he’s breathtaking
• He once played blackjack and lost… just to see what it was like.
• Microsoft really did ask him to help design Windows 7
• He went once to a psychic… to warn her.
• He raced and beat a Porsche… on foot
• He avoids going to Oklahoma just so there’s one place he’s never been
• Pigs run in fear that clean will rub off him onto them
• He once told a bad joke… just to see what feeling uncomfortable felt like
• He won a wrestling match with a bear… using only his teeth
• When he says jump, no one asks how high and just start jumping
• Police often question him just to hear him speak
• If her were to mail a letter without postage, it would still get there
• He crashed his hard drive… to see what the “blue screen of death” was all about
• His personality is so magnetic that he is unable to carry credit cards.
• He never says anything taste like chicken… Not even chicken.
• He speaks fluent French, in Russian
• His charm is so contagious, vaccines we’re created for it.
• When he was abducted by aliens they asked him to probe them
• He lives vicariously through himself
• He's a lover, not a fighter... but he's also a fighter so don't get any ideas
• People hang onto his every word, even the prepositions

Twit This

The other day at work I wanted to see how many of you had commented recently on my blog (zero it turns out) but I had forgotten my blog web address. I did what any person on the planet would do (except in China where it’s blocked) and googled Narcissistic Musings. Much to my horror I found that others have thought of the same brilliant phrase.

Take for example the blog Musings of a Narcissist (hosted by Google), where the author states “I'm poor, fat, and single and it's really starting to piss me off”. It hasn’t been updated since July 1st, 2008.  Apparently she either got thin, rich, married, or gave up being pissed - good for her.

Or the even more cleverly named Narcissistic Somniloquist (one who talks about themselves while they sleep). Now why couldn’t I come up with a fantastic phrase like that?   Could be due to having to look up what Somniloquist meant.  The author doesn’t update often and seems to have too many entries on the happenings in the oil industry… don't ask me how this ties into the blog title.

Oddly, there were tons of entires at Google that purportedly examined the narcissistic tendencies of those who have Twitter accounts. This reminded me that I have an account too, but couldn't tell you what my account details are since the day I signed up. Even having not logged in for over two years I get an email every once in a while letting me know I have yet another follower. It’s always a female who probably wants me to "friend" or "twit" her, or whatever it's called, so she can try to sell me something but still I’m flattered I have about 50 followers I don't know and have certainly have never tweeted.

I went through six pages at Google and couldn't find a single reference to my blog.  This blog is hosted by Google.  I'm thinking I might need to change the background color or even the font of the blog.

My New Plaid Pants

As everyone who reads this blog is already aware, I’ve gotten back into painting. I stuck my toe back into it tepidly, using small 3x5 inch canvases and continuing with acrylics. Acrylics are an excellent choice for new painters for several reasons: they are relatively inexpensive, dry fast, provide a “depth” unlike water colors, and are water soluble. I’ve never worked with any other type of paint except acrylics, but wanted to move to oil paints for a number of reasons, but I have to admit the main reason is that they are considered the “artist” paints – you aren’t considered a painter until you paint in oil.

I assume this is because oil paint itself stinks, the mixers stink even more, and the cleaning solutions stink the most. It’s the smell that makes a true artist… either that or that you inevitably end up with paint on your hands and cloths that no amount of turpentine will remove. I don’t have a dedicated artist’s studio, unless you count my dining room table as a studio, so painting in oils would really allow the olfactory sensors to kick into high gear throughout my house.

Still, the allure of being a real artist is like a siren call that can’t be resisted. I trudged off to the local art supply store a few months ago with a list of paints to purchase. After returning home with a shocking $150 receipt I discovered the following: oil paints aren’t cheap, they require a bunch of additional supplies (linseed oil, turpentine, etc) that acrylics don’t require, and it’s true they do smell to high heaven. Smell as in close the windows, paint for a half hour and you’ll be as high as you used to get in high school. I now understand why artists are crazy… it’s not from the emotional rollercoaster the artwork takes you down, but the fumes. Oils and I didn’t make it for even a small finished painting; however I did feel awfully silly the rest of that day.

Since I wanted to be buried with both my ears attached, unlike Van Gogh, I needed an alternative. After scouring the internet for what seemed like hours on end (but actually took only a couple minutes – most of the time filled by waiting for my PC to boot up) I discovered a new type of oil paint – water soluble. New is relative but apt; water soluble oil paints have only existed for mere decades unlike when the great masters transitioned from egg tempura to oil around 1500.

Off to the art store again, and another $150 for new paints. Best $150 I’ve spent all year, not counting the plaid pants I bought at Overstock of course. Those are some sweet pants, I have to say… I might even make a painting of them.