Who is that masked man?

Many of you, my readers, have asked me to describe myself. I can not do this since it would come across as egotistical. Fortunately there are (many) others of you who have written books on me. From this collection I offer to you, my favorite reader, the Compendia De Cary:

• He performed the rain dance backwards… and the sun came out.
• Even when he’s sleeping people say he’s breathtaking
• He once played blackjack and lost… just to see what it was like.
• Microsoft really did ask him to help design Windows 7
• He went once to a psychic… to warn her.
• He raced and beat a Porsche… on foot
• He avoids going to Oklahoma just so there’s one place he’s never been
• Pigs run in fear that clean will rub off him onto them
• He once told a bad joke… just to see what feeling uncomfortable felt like
• He won a wrestling match with a bear… using only his teeth
• When he says jump, no one asks how high and just start jumping
• Police often question him just to hear him speak
• If her were to mail a letter without postage, it would still get there
• He crashed his hard drive… to see what the “blue screen of death” was all about
• His personality is so magnetic that he is unable to carry credit cards.
• He never says anything taste like chicken… Not even chicken.
• He speaks fluent French, in Russian
• His charm is so contagious, vaccines we’re created for it.
• When he was abducted by aliens they asked him to probe them
• He lives vicariously through himself
• He's a lover, not a fighter... but he's also a fighter so don't get any ideas
• People hang onto his every word, even the prepositions